Best eBay Item Ever

I spend a lot of time browsing eBay and Craigslist, looking at the prices of vehicle that I already own and trying to gauge the value of some of my project cars. Occasionally I even find that great deal. Well, today I looked up the '66 Chevelle just for fun, and found a guy who is trying to sell a very nice and expensive Pro Touring 1966 Chevelle convertible. His buy it now price is a whopping $75,000 but his item description has got to be one of the best I have ever read. Check it out...

"OK, let me start off by saying this Chevelle is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this Chevelle would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.

It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that's what your Prius is for. If that's the kind of car you're looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.

This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn't let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don't even know what the hell On Star is).

No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 701HP engine to outrun the cops. It's got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you're operating on yourself. The Chevelle also has an automatic transmission so if you're being chased by Libyan terrorists, you'll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time. It's saved my bacon more than once.

It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There's a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man.

My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $90,000 but I'll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up and tell me you'll give me $50,000 for it. That's liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.

There's only 500 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo. Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I'll get back to you. And when I do, we'll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.

On a serious note this Chevelle has a Fresh 540 Big Block making 701Hp, Art Carr 700r4 transmission, Moser 12 bolt rear. The wheels are Billet specialties 18". Wilwood 4 piston Brakes front and rear. The audio system was 15K alone. One of a kind Tru Technology super billet amp, alpine processor and head unit, Focal front and rear speakers with custom sub woofers mounted in the center console. The whole car has been custom built and is a one of a kind. Over 160K has been invested into this beautiful 66 chevelle.

Thanks for looking."